What PTSD Does To the Family

This is the one that is the most near and dear to me being a survivor of PTSD. I know without a doubt that my family suffered more than I did, having to put up with all my symptoms.

You know, living on eggshells daily, with someone who is easily startled, has nightmares, and often avoids being in any type of crowds just for a start. I know that how I showed up in my family life had a harmful impact on my entire family.

The sad thing is I’m not alone.

Research showed that Vietnam Veterans have more marital problems and family violence. Their partners have more distress, and their children have more behavior problems.

Why does PTSD have such a negative effect on so many people?

I believe it is due to the person with PTSD having a hard time feeling any positive emotions. I know I felt detached from others, angry, and depressed creating so many problems in all aspects of life including personal relationships.

Common Reactions of the Family

Everyone seems to give advice or examples of how a person with PTSD would show up, yet no one tells you what you may experience and if they are normal. Here are the normal reactions family members of a person with PTSD may experience:

Anger

I found that my anger would heighten the anger of my family and we would argue non-stop. They also would become angry if I went within becoming quite and reclusive. In short lack of real communication created a wall that was built of feelings of not being heard.

Depression

Try living with a person that causes feelings of pain, anger and rejection and what you’ll end up with is a person feeling like their life is stuck never to get out. This is common among family members of a person with PTSD. When PTSD lasts for a long time, you may begin to lose hope that your family will ever “get back to normal.”

Guilt

When my family felt they were responsible for making me happy so that they did not get the wrath of my anger they started to feel guilty when they couldn’t make a difference.

Health problems

Suppressed emotions such as constantly worrying, angry, or depressed have to come out somewhere, many times it is in a health issue, but along with that bad habits, such as drinking, smoking, and not exercising, can make those suppressed emotions worse while you’re trying to cope with PTSD symptoms.

Negative feelings

I do know that having PTSD made me seem like a different person and my family no longer could recognize me, and didn’t like what they now see. I found the best way to avoid negative feelings is to educate yourself about PTSD and what symptoms it creates.

Even if your loved one refuses treatment, you will probably benefit from some support.

Sympathy

When they could see my hurt and feel my pain they would feel sorry for me, creating another wall that I would put up. Many would think that this would help show that you sympathize with me. However, to me it would feel like they were treating me like a crippled person.

Separation

Avoidance is one of the symptoms of PTSD. Those with PTSD avoid situations and reminders of their trauma. I found my family would do the same by avoiding the same things as I did. Or, they became afraid of my reaction to certain cues and hid from me.

One solution I found was to just go out and do some social activities, allowing the person with PTSD to stay home if he or she wishes.

Summary

Family members may feel hurt, alienated, or discouraged because your loved one has not been able to overcome the effects of the trauma. Family members frequently devote themselves totally to those they care for and, in the process, neglect their own needs.

Support is extremely important for preventing and helping with PTSD. It is important for family members to take care of themselves; both for their own good and to help the person dealing with PTSD.